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Why She Stays

Women who stay in an abusive relationship undergo gradual steps of reasoning to reconcile the violence in the their minds. The reasons she stays may change as the violence in the relationship progresses.

AT FIRST SHE STAYS BECAUSE: She loves him. She believes he'll grow up or change. She believes she can control the beatings by doing as he says. She believes she can reason with him. She believes that it is her duty to make the relationship work. She believes him when he says, sorry and it won't happen again. She is embarrassed for them, so she won't seek help, and she is afraid of what will happen if the police get involved.

LATER, SHE STAYS BECAUSE: She loves him, but less. She hopes he'll change or get help. She's under pressure from family and friends to stay. She believes he loves and needs her. She is afraid to be alone. She believes she can't support herself and her children. She believes his promises that he will change. She is confused. She is increasingly afraid of her partner's violence.

FINALLY, SHE STAYS BECAUSE: She is afraid. He has become tremendously powerful to her. He threatens to kill her or the children or her family. She has lost most all of her self esteem. She believes no one else can ever love her. She believes she can't survive alone. She is very confused and feels guilty. She becomes depressed and immobile, decisions are difficult, sometimes impossible. She feels hopeless and helpless. She believes she has no options. She has developed serious emotional problems. She becomes suicidal and homicidal.
For information email: The Women's Service and Family Resource Center
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