Women who stay in an
abusive relationship undergo gradual steps of reasoning to reconcile the
violence in the their minds. The reasons she stays may change as the violence
in the relationship progresses.
SHE STAYS BECAUSE: She loves him. She believes he'll grow up or change. She
believes she can control the beatings by doing as he says. She believes she can
reason with him. She believes that it is her duty to make the relationship
work. She believes him when he says, sorry and it won't happen again. She is
embarrassed for them, so she won't seek help, and she is afraid of what will
happen if the police get involved.
LATER, SHE STAYS
BECAUSE: She loves him, but less. She hopes he'll change or get help. She's
under pressure from family and friends to stay. She believes he loves and needs
her. She is afraid to be alone. She believes she can't support herself and her
children. She believes his promises that he will change. She is confused. She
is increasingly afraid of her partner's violence.
FINALLY, SHE STAYS
BECAUSE: She is afraid. He has become tremendously powerful to her. He
threatens to kill her or the children or her family. She has lost most all of
her self esteem. She believes no one else can ever love her. She believes she
can't survive alone. She is very confused and feels guilty. She becomes
depressed and immobile, decisions are difficult, sometimes impossible. She
feels hopeless and helpless. She believes she has no options. She has developed
serious emotional problems. She becomes suicidal and homicidal.
|For information email: The Women's Service and Family Resource